went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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