"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
