Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
