WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"