I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.