Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.