4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
