When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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