My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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