and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He kissed a someone with a penis
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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