Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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