just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
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Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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