she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
