oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
