next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
3pm strippers are depressing
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
