I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
