i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
