I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
