so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
