hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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