I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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