drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
