I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize