she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
