Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
