If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
