he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
