One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
