I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
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Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
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I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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