I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
