I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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