Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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