every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
