it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
