never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
