sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize