butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
