someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
