Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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