I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
