Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
