one two three fourrrrnication!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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