I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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