No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
