I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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