i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
