I think I won the penis lottery.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
