she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
