every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
