Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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