"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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