Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
