I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
