OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
