whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
