no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
