FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
