Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
