aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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