I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
