i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
