I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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