i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
