he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
