I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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