My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
