I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
