It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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