my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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