ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
