She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
